


Lost And Grieving

by Elle0555



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Angst, Death, Heartbreak, M/M, mention of self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-19
Updated: 2015-08-19
Packaged: 2018-04-15 15:25:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4611840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elle0555/pseuds/Elle0555
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron contemplates life without Robert.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost And Grieving

**Author's Note:**

> This is not my usual style of writing but it came to me and i went with it.   
> Mentions of Self-harm and Death.

 

 Aaron sat silently in a world of his own. A world he felt completely alone in. Everything had fallen apart and the outcome was disastrous. The day will stick with him forever. The day the village fell apart, the day that changed lives forever, the day Aaron lost his soul mate and the love of his life.

  
He didn’t know how he ended up here he just needed to feel close to him and this was the place he found himself in. It’s where it all started all the months ago, The first kiss that started an 8 month affair and caused Aaron to fall head over heels in love. He looked out his car window and watched the sun slowly disappearing before darkness took over and a few stars scattered the sky.

  
Aaron closed his eyes and immediately saw images of Robert shuffling through his brain. The good times they shared along with painful memories, but the one that stuck out the one that wouldn’t go away as hard as Aaron willed it to was Robert and that day. He saw the color drain from Robert’s face as he lyed there unable to escape. He saw Robert mouth the words to him moments before he closed his eyes for the final time. Aaron saw the light die in Robert’s eyes and now it’s all he can see. Day and night when Aaron shuts his eyes, it’s all he sees.

  
Aaron knew pain like this existed, The gut wrenching pain that goes so deep you want to rip yourself apart. You want to replace yourself with the them. The heartbreaking feeling of knowing you’ll never see that person again. Never hear them talk or see their face again. He’ll never see that smug face, he grew so fond of never hear the way Robert said his name or experience the arrogance in public and gentleness in private, Aaron will never see any of that again.

  
Tears escaped Aaron’s eyes and began streaming down his face. He felt sick watching them put Robert in the ground, it made his heart ache Aaron wanted to reopen every scar that was etched across his stomach. And make himself bleed to death just to feel something other than the numb emotion that’s residing in his body.   
Aaron bolted from the car as the rain began to fall. Standing in the middle of the deserted road, he broke down once again screaming out and cursing the universe. He dropped his head and walked towards his car smashing his fist into the paintwork before landing one hefty punch at the window causing it to shatter into pieces. Blood began trickling down his arm as he slid down the car sobbing into his hands.

  
He couldn’t face being without Robert as much as he hated him towards the end Aaron still loved him. He still saw his life eventually with Robert. A life where in the end they would have been happy in each others arms, grew old together side by side living their final days together old and gray. Not Robert leaving him before they even had a real chance.

  
Aaron wanted to feel angry at Robert. He should of never been there in the first place, let alone gone in an unsafe building and try to help the rescue mission He played hero at the completely wrong time and it ended his life it ended their life.

  
The shards of glass were scattered around and the urge to pick a piece up was overwhelming. His breathing hitched as he reached out and picked up a jagged piece of glass feeling the smoothness in his hands. Placing it in his palm before shutting his eyes, breathing deeply and closing his fist, pain instantly shooting through his hand until everything stopped, the fog cleared from his head and for a few seconds Aaron forgot.

  
It was like a dream world He was back in a place where everything was safe. Robert was sleeping soundly next to him and making those noises that Aaron loved. A smile lifting the corners of his mouth. One arm wrapped securely around Aaron’s waist and gripping his hand tightly.

  
Until Aaron opened his eyes again and saw nothing worth sticking around for.

  
The world had been nothing but cruel to Aaron. Losing people he loved and trying to accept himself. Going on the run and leaving his family behind to only come home and believe that things were finally looking up and for a while they were he was somewhat happy and for the first time completely at ease with who he was.

  
Aaron wasn’t just surviving life he had started to live it again and then Robert came along. Broke through his tough exterior and caused nothing but grief. Along with pain and misery and some of the happiest times Aaron ever had.

He fell in love with Robert, Aaron saw sides of his personality only Robert would allow him to see.   
They broke each other repeatedly, then built each other back up. They loved with pain and guilt, then happiness before it turned sour again. Aaron knew Robert wasn’t the best person to fall in love with the hurt he caused him was nothing but unforgivable. But that was them and Aaron took it because he loved Robert and Robert loved him as messed up as it was Aaron had no doubts that Robert’s love was pure and genuine.

  
He got up slowly and leant his body against the now damaged car. Looking around him. He should go home and put his mum’s mind at ease, but he’s failing to care about anything that means something to him.

  
Aaron feels stupid, but he’s talking to Robert in his head, he can still faintly hear the older man’s voice remembering what he once said to him. “Cause if I lost you Aaron I couldn’t handle it.” Now Aaron feels that he knows he won't be able to handle Robert’s death won't be able to face everyday life without him.

Aaron’s lost and grieving. No one can help him through this apart from the person who’s no longer here.   
He abandoned his car and started walking up the road as the rain got heavier and a gust of wind swirled in the air. He’s in darkness as he keeps walking, trying to find a reason to carry on without him.

Because as much as he’s still here he may as well not be. Nothing matters anymore and he can't see a way forward the holes too deep to climb up from this time and he hasn’t got the fight left in him to try.

He may still be alive and breathing, but Aaron died with Robert.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading.  
> Feel free to leave feedback. I'd actually appreciate it on this one. 
> 
> Find me on Tumblr: Missme033.tumblr.com


End file.
